Sitting here, wondering what I am going to write about. I made a half-hearted commitment to myself to blog every day, but I’m in the middle of a huge crisis in my life right now and I’m feeling anything but positive and inspired to write. Oh hang on… did I just say something about making a “half-hearted commitment”? Shit, I just got a chill all over and goosebumps (truthbumps) up my legs. I already know what that means, and I’m already scared to see where this is gonna go…..I better do a round of EFT:
“Even tho I’ve just stumbled on a Personal Truth that I’ve only been half-heartedly committing to something, and I’m scared as hell to see what fully committing will mean, I deeply and completely love and accept myself.” (I reckon this is a pretty universal one, so feel free in joining me for a round of EFT if you think that could be the case for you right now… http://creativegoalsetting.com/eft/)
Tap, tap, tap.
Yes, I tapped that out before writing any more. I yawned all the way through it too, a signal that I am resisting moving beyond this. Must be a big one. I’ll do another eft (still yawning)...
“Even tho I’m resisting facing this big something, because this big something is a REALLY big scary something, I deeply and completely love and accept myself.”
Tap, tap, tap. Still yawning. Perhaps I better remind myself of the blog I wrote myself a couple of days ago … what was it? Tiredness is ONLY EVER RESISTANCE! And what are we resisting? We are only EVER resisting the newer and greater version of our Self! (http://adragonstale.weebly.com/1/post/2013/06/tiredness-what-are-we-resisting.html)
Ok, well here’s the problem. Walking that Talk is a lot harder than it is to say it. I’m human. I am struggling to Walk that Talk and juggling to manage all manner of things in my life to do that. Woops, there I go chattin’ to myself again, giving the clues away. I just said “juggling.” What am I juggling? Why on earth do I feel I need to juggle ANYTHING?
Funny thing about asking yourself questions… you get answers.
I’m trying to manage…. others. See, my current life situation is made all the more difficult because others’ wellbeing is at stake. Or at least, that is what my current perception tells me. So it really puts things into black and white perspective now: I can either decide what is right for me, or put others before me. Compromise is the first word that jumps to mind, and so I’ll run with it. What if I’ve already “over-compromised”? What if I’m at my limit of compromised, I’m all used up, the compromise tank is empty? What if my compromise was so far at my own cost that others just want more and more and more and more and more from me and never let up that my compromise evolves to "shriveled up prune"?
Well, I can choose. Keep compromising. Shriveled up prune. Or not. Simple.
If only it were!
Now that I’ve gotten as clear as mud there, exhausting all my “logical” options, I’m scarily being whooshed into that great big Void of “I don’t know.” Scary place – have you ever been there? Brrr… its cold in here. Cold = fear. I can go back… sure… THAT worked well… NOT. Or I can go forward. Into the unknown. And the only thing I’ve got to go by, is a flimsy idea that comes with no guarantee, no extended warranty option, not even a promise of a “happy ending.”
What if there are no happy endings?
What if the happy ending is the end of THIS … the end of the drama, the end of the confusion, the end of the doubt, the end of the fear?
What if there was only new beginnings? And to actually get ‘em, you had to let go, just let go of what you think it might look like or might be, and go with whatever it is that you have to hang on to? In some cases it is simply “It can’t get any worse than this.”
In all cases, this flimsy idea is called “Radical Trust.” Knowing that however far we've come, whatever has Guided us IS, ALL-WAYS for the Highest Good of All Concerned.
Maybe its not so flimsy after all. Just gotta take a Leap of Faith to get it. I mean, I guess today's blog happened after all, even though it started with a half-hearted commitment.
Fingers to the keyboard... feet on the pavement ... pedal to the metal ... sumthin like that ;)
♥ `*.¸.*.♥.✿*.¸.*.♥☼ ❥ ... ℒƠѵℯ Shriya
A Dragon's Tale; BLOG: http://adragonstale.weebly.com/
Image: Dragon Mountain by ~cepnox cepnox.deviantart.com
“Even tho I’ve just stumbled on a Personal Truth that I’ve only been half-heartedly committing to something, and I’m scared as hell to see what fully committing will mean, I deeply and completely love and accept myself.” (I reckon this is a pretty universal one, so feel free in joining me for a round of EFT if you think that could be the case for you right now… http://creativegoalsetting.com/eft/)
Tap, tap, tap.
Yes, I tapped that out before writing any more. I yawned all the way through it too, a signal that I am resisting moving beyond this. Must be a big one. I’ll do another eft (still yawning)...
“Even tho I’m resisting facing this big something, because this big something is a REALLY big scary something, I deeply and completely love and accept myself.”
Tap, tap, tap. Still yawning. Perhaps I better remind myself of the blog I wrote myself a couple of days ago … what was it? Tiredness is ONLY EVER RESISTANCE! And what are we resisting? We are only EVER resisting the newer and greater version of our Self! (http://adragonstale.weebly.com/1/post/2013/06/tiredness-what-are-we-resisting.html)
Ok, well here’s the problem. Walking that Talk is a lot harder than it is to say it. I’m human. I am struggling to Walk that Talk and juggling to manage all manner of things in my life to do that. Woops, there I go chattin’ to myself again, giving the clues away. I just said “juggling.” What am I juggling? Why on earth do I feel I need to juggle ANYTHING?
Funny thing about asking yourself questions… you get answers.
I’m trying to manage…. others. See, my current life situation is made all the more difficult because others’ wellbeing is at stake. Or at least, that is what my current perception tells me. So it really puts things into black and white perspective now: I can either decide what is right for me, or put others before me. Compromise is the first word that jumps to mind, and so I’ll run with it. What if I’ve already “over-compromised”? What if I’m at my limit of compromised, I’m all used up, the compromise tank is empty? What if my compromise was so far at my own cost that others just want more and more and more and more and more from me and never let up that my compromise evolves to "shriveled up prune"?
Well, I can choose. Keep compromising. Shriveled up prune. Or not. Simple.
If only it were!
Now that I’ve gotten as clear as mud there, exhausting all my “logical” options, I’m scarily being whooshed into that great big Void of “I don’t know.” Scary place – have you ever been there? Brrr… its cold in here. Cold = fear. I can go back… sure… THAT worked well… NOT. Or I can go forward. Into the unknown. And the only thing I’ve got to go by, is a flimsy idea that comes with no guarantee, no extended warranty option, not even a promise of a “happy ending.”
What if there are no happy endings?
What if the happy ending is the end of THIS … the end of the drama, the end of the confusion, the end of the doubt, the end of the fear?
What if there was only new beginnings? And to actually get ‘em, you had to let go, just let go of what you think it might look like or might be, and go with whatever it is that you have to hang on to? In some cases it is simply “It can’t get any worse than this.”
In all cases, this flimsy idea is called “Radical Trust.” Knowing that however far we've come, whatever has Guided us IS, ALL-WAYS for the Highest Good of All Concerned.
Maybe its not so flimsy after all. Just gotta take a Leap of Faith to get it. I mean, I guess today's blog happened after all, even though it started with a half-hearted commitment.
Fingers to the keyboard... feet on the pavement ... pedal to the metal ... sumthin like that ;)
♥ `*.¸.*.♥.✿*.¸.*.♥☼ ❥ ... ℒƠѵℯ Shriya
A Dragon's Tale; BLOG: http://adragonstale.weebly.com/
Image: Dragon Mountain by ~cepnox cepnox.deviantart.com
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